Celine, 31, ran a blog on Instagram: "Once I put my finger in the gear, it was finished"

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Celine, 31, created a blog five years ago on the Instagram social network to lose weight after the birth of her twins. "It was a constant presence," she tells Olivier Delacroix about Europe 1.

"[Ce blog concerne] my sporty course. Six years ago, I had the chance to become a mother of two little twins and I decided, after the birth of the little ones, to take control and publish every day my workouts, what I ate, etc. . It was simply to show my background and receive advice in this weight loss, in this sporting transformation. I had already tried diets, put myself to sport, but I did not really have a concrete goal. There, I thought that by posting, by putting my newspaper in public, it would force me to keep my commitments and to go to the end of this project. I already knew a little bit about the environment, I followed particular accounts. I thought, 'Why not me?'

"I started to worry more about the reviews I received on Instagram than the opinions of my loved ones"

I want to say that it took me far too much time, difficult to quantify. It started at breakfast with the picture of the breakfast, it went on with the exercise of the morning, the picture of the dinner … It was a constant presence because I always had this impression of motivation, but also of The sword of Damocles that I had above my head, saying to me: 'You must not crack, you must be perfect, you must have things to show.' We must always do more. Always cook healthier, always do more exercises, always do more sports. Once I put my finger in the gear, it was finished.

A moment ago [où j’ai senti que ça devenait addictif] because I started to worry more about the reviews I received on Instagram than the opinions of my loved ones. You have to know that I really lost a lot of weight. At this level, it was beautiful, magical, perfect, but to such an extent that I could not stop. There were always people saying to me, "If you do this exercise, you'll be more drawn like this or that way, and by eating something you'll lose more weight." It's true that after a while, my family said to me: "But you do not realize, you spend more time in the room than with your husband, than with your little ones. you look tired, you have to lift your foot. "

[Mon objectif était vraiment d’être] consistent with the idea I had of these great 'fitmums' that seemed to have no defect. They were really people who were always on all fronts. It was not just a physical story, but someone who could take care of everything and all the time, who was at the top, who did 36,000 things, who never seemed tired and who never seemed to run out of money. ideas.

"It was good up to a point where everything rocked into the more negative side"

[J’ai reçu du soutien.] I was quite proud because it is always flattering when you are followed, when we congratulate you, we support you. I really felt like I had a community behind me, who was on the lookout, who was there in case of blues. At first, it was very, very positive. It was good up to a point where everything rocked into the more negative side. I posted a picture on which you could see my belly. Until then, I had very positive remarks and suddenly, it was really very negative. Following my pregnancy, I still had stretch marks that the sport unfortunately could not erase. There, it was an unleashing. I no longer had any credibility as 'fitgirl' since I was not a 'fitgirl'. I did not have this image of 'fitgirl' with the 'six pack' (drawn abdominals, note), smooth skin.

At the time, I really asked myself questions by saying: 'In the end, who am I?' I'm not the 'fitgirl' because I do not have this 'six pack', I was not in the category of girls who take care because I was not round enough, I do not was not fine enough to be in the 'fine' category. In the end, I did not belong to any category on Instagram anymore. [Cela a provoqué des commentaires haineux.] It went from one or two to dozens, twenties, my private messaging or public comment. Until then, I had always tried to convey something very positive and the first time this happens, you are very poor. I was very depressed. The same efforts I had made the previous week were of no value to these people.

I completely took refuge in my family to try to take some of my life back. Once again, completely paradoxically, I went back on social networks, on a completely different hashtag. I rather embraced the #BodyPositive movement where I could find people who were also unlabeled and who created a little marginal movement on Instagram, people who were no longer in the hashtags imposed by society. And who proposed another way of living his image, his body and which gave way to these people who were neither especially thin, nor especially muscular, nor specially round but simply themselves and who wanted to share their course of self-acceptance.

What I regret [dans cette démarche sur Instagram]is to have done it stupidly, without any recoil and a little in the way of Care Bears. I think that for a lot of things, social networks are really a very good thing, in the mutual help, the search for motivation. But, we do not have the necessary perspective or enough self-esteem before posting or before registering in a kind of community. "

>> Find the full testimony of Céline

The opinion of Michaël Stora, psychologist and psychoanalyst, author of The screens, it makes you addicted … (Hachette literature):

"We are in a society where images have been ubiquitous since the advent of television, we had an almost fetishistic relationship, a pretty sacred report on television, and we were all reminded of the fact that we are not always in the image of what society wanted, it was also the relay of advertising, some magazines. (…) Facebook, on arrival has come to break (…) this idea of ​​being an authentic self. surprisingly in France, which was rather a voyeuristic country, how much we all needed to have a kind of exhibitionism displayed. (…) We saw that there were kinds of excesses, which were those of a very idealized self.

This is where the idea of ​​reparation could exist. We need to be valued but very quickly we realized that for some it became a race to likes frenzied repairing narcissistic fragilities with the risk of having the audimat dropping dramatically. Others who were perhaps scared, were a little inhibited, a little shy, finally dared to expose themselves. There, it could have an almost self-healing dimension of repair. (…) Our society is really 'narcissized'. Social networks have amplified this phenomenon and studies have shown that when we go a little too much on social networks and that we do not necessarily go very well, very quickly, we can really depress.