I have a theory about Matthew McConaughey, which is this: I think that he went on stage to accept his Oscar in 2014, and he has not stopped talking since. Of course, the music director announced the group and Matthew left the scene, but the speech – a sinister monologue about himself, God and creativity – continued unabated for five years and more.

In addition, I believe that his work since then …Interstellar, these advertisements for the car, each appearance in a talk show – were the result of filmmakers and similar actors. They no longer go to McConaughey's agents with scripts or pitchs, they approach him directly, build a scene around him and hope that everything will be fine. Sometimes you get a True detectiveSometimes you get a series of videos about workplace safety in industrial workplaces, but you always have a prolonged whisper about the nature of existence and at least three clear and bright lacrosse shots. This is a guarantee of Matthew McConaughey, agree, agree, agree.

Anne Hathaway, Diane Lane, Djimon Hounsou and screenwriter / director Steven Knight are among the latest gangs to take on the McConaughey challenge. The result is Serenity, and Serenity is fucking crazy. I would say "alert spoiler" here, but the film gets you almost to pre-spoiled: we open on a shot of a child's face, then we get closer to his left eye, in which is a blue sea, a fishing boat called Serenity, and Matthew McConaughey damaged by the sun making no sense. From the beginning, you know that things are not what they seem, it remains to determine how and if you care. When one of the tourists who rented his boat takes a tug on his fishing line, Matthew McConaughey (whose name in this film is Baker Dill, but in any other way he is called Matthew McConaughey) seize the cane. "I paid you 700 dollars in cash for that," protests the tourist, but to no avail. McConaughey is determined to bring back this fish – a big old tuna that he calls "justice" – at once and for all. No dice on this essay; The justice gets away with it, and the guy who just said that he's already paid $ 700 in cash says, "If you think I'm paying you a cent for that, you're crazy." So all Right away, you learn two things: Matthew McConaughey is on a mission and the production company has not ventured into extravagances like a scenario supervisor.

Serenity units

GRAHAM BARTHOLOMEW

Matthew McConaughey has a Matthew McConakid somewhere in the world, and sometimes when he's underwater, he and the boy can somehow communicate telepathically. Matthew McConaughey went to war when the boy was young and when he came back, everything was different, and the boy's mother had to deal with a violent guy. So he came here on Plymouth Island, one of those heavenly islands where we talk a lot about Miami, but the steering wheel is on the other side of the car and there is a local radio station very popular where the DJ seems to speak. just for him, and you're like: yes, I understand, Matthew McConaughey, you're dead, already take off those pants.

He does. From time to time, Matthew McConaughey goes to Diane Lane to make love to her, after which she pays him. He does not seem to have this arrangement with anyone else, and there is no world, even fantasized, where Diane Lane pays sex to anyone, but you realize that when he kisses, he does not speak, and it strikes you she pays for the silence and it's worth it. Oh, and sometimes she's looking for her cat, and sometimes he finds her cat, and the idea that it will become significant later in the movie looks like a threat.

Serenity units

GRAHAM BARTHOLOMEW

Matthew McConaughey is also pursued by a man in a suit with a briefcase that is still a few seconds late. He even says, "I'm still a few seconds late," just in case you're wondering if it's significant that he's still a few seconds late. Islanders call it "lean man" even though it is a bit usual. If you're wondering why it's so important that it's always a few seconds late, congratulations, you've thought of this movie more than anyone else. involved in its production. It is played by Jeremy Strong and the overall effect is "Steve Mnuchin in the eventual Reelz Channel's original film on Trump's administration".

So Anne Hathaway comes with a blonde wig, but you can totally say it's her. She is a mysterious girl from a completely different movie, and you realize that she is his ex-wife before him. She tells him that their child has become a recluse who plays on his computer all day and that, in fact, she wants him to kill her violent husband. The violent husband is played by Jason Clarke, who has heard about the subtlety once and said, "No, thank you." Double compensation, if Fred MacMurray made mushrooms and continued to show you his nice ass.

Serenity units

GRAHAM BARTHOLOMEW

Matthew McConaughey thinks to kill Jason Clarke, but everyone on the island of Plymouth seems to be there to dissuade him. "Take the beast instead," says everyone, because the big tuna now calls "the beast" instead of "justice." Jason Clarke tells him that his son-in-law plays all the time on his computer. He already asked him why and The kid said, "That's what I do so that I do not kill you." Plus, when he does not play in front of the computer, the kid looks at a photo of himself and Matthew McConaughey, then turns it over and he says, "MO AND DAD BACK THEN," and I sighed so loudly that the ripples of the movie screen.

So of course, Matthew McConaughey died in the war, and the whole thing – Baker Dill, the boat, the big tunny of justice, Plymouth Island, the cat, the skinny man who is not – it's Proves to be part of a great game the McConakid designed on his computer. He creates and plays a game so as not to stab his father-in-law, even if stabbing his father-in-law seems like a good idea to everyone, and he has designed a world where he can communicate with his dead father and where his dead father will also have life for busy head in the form of this elusive tuna. But then the kid re-codes the game and asks Matthew McConaughey to kill his father, what he does, what he does next in real life, and he immediately goes into self-defense and that all the world lives happy forever. wonder why he went to all computer problems.

Serenity units

GRAHAM BARTHOLOMEW

You might also wonder why all the other inhabitants of the city were so opposed to the assassination of Jason Clarke by Matthew McConaughey, or whether they have a clean mission, or why Jeremy Strong turns out to be a personification of "The Rules", or why he was always a few seconds late, or why a child would design a game allowing him to watch his father kiss Diane Lane for money, or if the real conscience of Matthew McConaughey persisted in this computer simulation, or it was simply a complicated problem medium for a child in mourning to engage in the memory of his father. I urge you not to ask too many questions because you will not know it. But join me in congratulating "It was a computer simulation" for defeating "it was all an autistic child's dream" and "it was a hallucination on a death bed" as a lazy way the most popular in America to get the carpet out of the public.

As a film, I did not like it, but to remind myself of getting high and doing squats, I found it useful. To allow Matthew McConaughey to monetize his ongoing monologue on the mystery of consciousness, Serenity is simply a job of genius. He'll do it anyway, could as well bring some cameras and Djimon Hounsou.